The Protestor
I am Chinese citizen. I love my country and MY people. I am very sad for some people are hurt or dead. (CHANGE 'FOR' TO 'THAT') I see a group of tanks approaching; I GET angRY and make the choice to stop them. The tanks look like a column of green grasshoppers ready to eat everything on their way. I am smaller than the tank, but my heart is stronger than soldiers in the tanks. I move to the street center from THE shoulder. My two hands hold two bags. I am made of flesh and bone. I step in front of the leading tank. The leading tank stops. It swirls left, I swirl left; it swirls right, I swirl right. The tank column has nowhere to go. I climb onto the leading tank, and knock on the hatch door. I cannot open the hatch door. I stand on the tank and ask the soldiers: “Are you Chinese People‘s Army? Why do you hurt and kill our people? Please go back to your camp right now!”
The Tank driver
I am the lieutenant of the 145 tank brigade. I am leading my tank brigade toward TIANANMEN square. The higher authorities order me to crash the protestors who are destroying my country. In front of my tank I see a lone man holding two bags. He’s (CHANGE 'HE'S' TO 'HIS') bright white color shirt and dark pants are A stark contrast to the grey and green back drop ('BACKDROP', ONE-WORD). I stop my tank in front of the lone protestor. I try swirling my tank left and right, but the protestor is always one step faster. I can’t move my tank forward because my tank will crash him. He is completely unarmed. I don’t know what I should do. I see he climbs on my tank and knockS on the hatch door. I pull out my hand gun and order him, "Get out OF here! He says to me, “Are you Chinese People‘s Army? Why do you hurt and kill our people? Please go back to your camp right now!” I say to him, “We are Chinese People‘s Army. We do not hurt and kill our people. Please (ADD COMMA) you leave here!” He says to me, “You promise me.” I say to him,” I promise you.” He leaves my tank. Then I always hear, “Are you Chinese people‘s Army? Why do you hurt and kill our people? Please go back to your camp right now!”
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BEN, I made some grammar suggestions above. Another revision would have made this touching piece sing. This is your best writing so far. Good description, and thank you for expressing the thoughts of your characters carefully.
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